I never dreamed of having kids. I was never one to get excited about growing up, getting married, and having babies. My friends all knew that I just wasn't interested in any of it. I wanted to go to school forever and write. Then I met Mgo and things changed. It was love, and all I could do was fall deeper and deeper into it. During one of our premarital counseling sessions, we were asked about how many kids we wanted to have. I laughed and said I wanted none. I only saw a small tinge of panic in Mgo's eyes. Then a smile on his lips. This guy wanted to marry me even though I didn't want kids. I saw pure surprise and then understanding on our pastor's face.
"That will change," our pastor said.
"Nope. I'm telling you. I'm not the 'mommy' type," I assured him.
"Give yourself a few years," he said.
"It's just not gonna happen" I said.
Mgo just squeezed my hand. And the fact that he accepted my desire not to have kids at that early stage in our relationship made me want to marry him even more.
As the years went by, I fell more and more in love with Mgo. He just "got" me. He didn't look past my peculiarities. He understood them and embraced them. I think we work well together because we are both artists at heart. And artists are peculiar and quirky and awkward at times. He was okay with my many journals strewn about the house. With the messes I chose not to clean up because I was busy writing or reading. With the many times I chopped my hair off after we moved to RI because I was trying to find myself again. With my depression when the Fibro hit and I wouldn't leave the couch for days because the pain was so overwhelming. Even then, he would tell me to write and give me my space to do it.
And a few years into our marriage, my desire to have children did change. This adventure I'm on with Mgo just keeps getting better and better as we get to know one another.
Suddenly I wanted to jump into parenthood, because the idea of become a parent with him brought more joy to my heart than anything else in the world.
Now every time I feel the baby move I am brought to tears at the thought of raising a new life with the man who understands and loves me most, despite my weaknesses.
I am 17 weeks and 5 days today! I feel the baby rolling around and kicking every time I sit still. Today, I put my hand on my belly and felt a kick from the outside! Now I can't wait for Mgo to get home so he can feel it. We hope to find out the sex of the baby next week. I am STARVING all the time, probably because the baby is growing like crazy. The nausea still hits at night, but I know it is all worth it.
I just can't wait until April!